Are you trying to figure out how to tell your wife you want a divorce? Before you go about devastating the woman you pledged your love to “till death do you part” and that for “better or for worse” you would stay with her, to support, encourage and cherish, please take five minutes to not only read, but honestly contemplate the thoughts and ideas in this article.

The state of affairs in the land of matrimony today is sad indeed. With half of all marriages ending in divorce, it seems clear that the concepts of commitment, devotion and wholehearted, undying allegiance to a woman have all but become cliche, and are regrettably, archaic notions from past eras where chivalry and life-long devotion used to rule supreme!

While Contemplating How To Tell Your Wife You Want a Divorce, Consider These 3 Questions:

1. Have you exhausted all means of trying to save your marriage? Have you and your spouse been to counseling? Have you gone on any marriage retreats? Have you put your heart and soul into changing who you are in order to be a better husband in every area? So often we look at the faults and flaws of our partner and use them as excuses for wanting out of the relationship. Meanwhile, we refuse to acknowledge all the mistakes we’ve made and all the issues we have in our own lives that need taking care of. Usually there’s a big fat log in our eye as we “nit-pick” away at the little speck of dirt in our spouses. Perhaps some contemplative, somber soul-searching needs to be done in your own life before you decide how to tell your wife you want a divorce.

2. Can you live without your wife for the rest of your life without regretting this decision? So often we make decisions with very little hind-sight. What I mean by this is that we do not project our thoughts beyond the now to the days and weeks and years down the road. A monumental decision such as parting ways, forever, with who was, just a short time ago the love of your life and woman of your dreams, deserves some serious consideration. It’s not like you’re just returning a pair of Nikes that didn’t fit right! This decision is final. If you are upset or angry right now, with your wife, then this is probably not the best time to be answering this question. To be fair to yourself and your wife, tackle this question when you are calm and reasonable, and are in a place (mentally and emotionally), where you can think logically and conclusively. Take out a pen and paper and write down all the things you respect, appreciate and love about your wife. If your relationship has been getting worse for quite a while and you can’t come up with anything you’re enjoying about your marriage right now, think back to when you were still “in love” and enjoying one another, and write the positives you remember from that time.

3. Are your reasons altruistic or just plain selfish? While considering how to tell your wife you want a divorce, do you have her best interest in mind? An old Chinese proverb exhorts: “Love is desiring the best for the object of your affection”. You may say that doesn’t apply because you don’t love her anymore. Well, the fact is, love is not an emotion or feeling. You don’t fall in and out of love. Love is a choice, a mindset – a lifestyle. My point is, love can be rekindled and reborn. You just have to make a conscious decision that you are going to love – no matter what! If you are not basing your actions on what will be best for your wife than you are not being true to her or your marriage. Life is not just about you. Our choices and actions indelibly affect those who are closest in our lives, and none are closer than our spouse. I challenge you to look deep within yourself and assess whether or not your motives for divorce are selfish and self-serving, or are they truly based on what is best for your wife and yourself?

These are some serious and complex questions, ones that deserve your time and honest, heart-felt contemplation. Before you think anymore about how to tell your wife you want a divorce, I want to ask if you have told her this yet:

Have you told her you love her today – or even lately?
Have you told her you value and respect her as a wife and that you value your marriage?
Have you told her sorry for all the hurt and pain you’ve been responsible for?
Have you told her you want to get counseling and do everything within your power to heal the relationship and restore the marriage?
If you haven’t told her these things yet, and followed them through, then I don’t think you should even be considering how to tell your wife you want a divorce. If you are still reading this, I give you full credit! I believe you are a man of integrity, one who wants to do the right thing, and you are also, I believe, a man who definitely is not ready to divorce your wife…

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